I am not done with my changes
Such little lives we live if only we would admit it. All of us however fêted. Marking out our pathetic tiny snail trails as we go. Imprinting what we do – good, bad, downright ugly through our little journey. Imagining ourselves important or impotent when in fact neither is probably true.
Stanley Kunitz, born in a place that I ran (or rather more accurately staggered) last Autumn at a time when I thought I would never run again has it right in this poem. I, me, mine … not at all relevant when you equate the microscopic me to the great landscape of time in which we exist. Just let’s protect what we have – we can do our little bit by acting decently, by regarding others with an importance not by dint of their shoes or their achievements or their accumulated wealth but just because. Because they co-exist with us on this planet we all accidentally find ourselves on.
I have indeed walked through many lives. All of them in this skin. And I will not be done and I will not give up hope until I draw my fatal last breath. Never. Not at all. I am many layered and yet simple cored just like you … if we all accept that, the rest is blissfully uncomplicated. I give you this in answer to the weekly photo challenge titled ‘Layered’ of which a delicious gallery of entries you will find here.
The Layers
Stanley Kunitz
I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
“Live in the layers,
not on the litter.”
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.
PS: The picture is taken at Vassieux-en-Vercors where people lived and died in a rather more profound way than I can ever begin to imagine.
What a perfect poem for “layers”! Yes, yes — I believe wholeheartedly in “living in the layers, not on the litter.”
Isn’t it? I love Kunitz and remembered that poem instantly when I saw the challenge … the line you pick is the pick of the lines, by the way 🙂
Yeah, Kunitz is wonderful. It’s nice to run into him here.
I was ignorant of him except by name to my shame until I lived last year in Massachusetts. I am glad I ran into him and I am glad you enjoyed a chance encounter here 😊
This poem speaks to me about courage – the courage it takes to ponder the past, the courage it takes to suffer the loss of loved ones, the courage it takes to open yourself to the unknowable future, and the courage it takes to be at peace with all of this and to greet your life with contentment. May we all strive to live our lives with no fear of change.
Bernadette, you speak from the heart. My heart beats with yours.
Lovely poem.
Thank you – I rather tend to agree
I like the title. I am not done with my changes.
Very nice.
Suz
Never. I never will be 🙂
Beautiful. May you never be done with your changes . Xx
Sent from my iPhone
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Thank you dear lady. Thus speaks an artist 🙂 xx
And as we never know when or what when it comes to change we just have to plough on, trying to learn as we live.
You are wise, Helen, always wise 🙂
Beautiful response to this challenge. I had never heard of Kunitz, much less read any of his work. A situation you have helped me remedy; many thanks.
He was an American laureate and I think 100 when he died. I can think of worse lives to lead! Enjoy discovering him … there’s some good stuff in his catalogue 🙂
Thanks. I am feeling in need of poetry right now.
Poetry feeds and nourishes. I hope it serves you well whatever the reason for the need. Hugs across the ocean 🤗
Thank you. General election tomorrow and I really can’t face the thought of another three years of our current dishonest, self-serving government. I may be reading a lot of poetry in the days to come.
Oh how I sympathise…. there is a foul canker resting in the souls of politicians the world over just now. I’m not at all religious but I do think a politician specific plague is in order. I prescribe as much poetry as you can lay your hands on starting immediately 🙂
You are a very wise physician. And I think a plague is much-needed.
Sometimes… most of the time I forget that my current state of being and what I represent myself as is not the ‘final me’. It’s difficult at times.
Beautiful post Osyth!
It is hard. I agree with you. To embrace our own malleability and trust that we will alter and that it is part of our growth, just like a tree, can feel unsettling and insecure and when life has thrown rotten apples and made you walk a pot-holed and bumpy road, it is the harder. I am glad you enjoyed the post. Very glad 😊
I love this post, Osyth. It’s both moving and inspiring. And, the poem is beautiful! I think change is the point of life. If we’re not changing, then we’re not growing. Thank you for sharing this thoughtful post. 🙂❤️
Thank you, Tonya …. that is high praise and I am grateful to you. I fell rather in love with that poem when living in Massachusetts … I tried, when there to really explore and embrace American literature and poetry and that changed me a little. Change is to be embraced, you are right, it is the mechanism by which we grow 😊
🙂💗
Nice choice–thanks.
I’m fond of Kunitz – I ‘found’ him more thoroughly when living in the States and it was good to find a reason to use that poem which I rather love.
The title drew me in Fiona and it surely did not disappoint! Your writing is always very thoughtful and gorgeous photos a poem as well. You bring the point out perfectly.
Thank you Lynn – as you know …. it is wonderful when those I respect and value understand what I’m burbling on about! I love that poem (got quite heavily into Kunitz when I was living in Massachusetts – he was born in Worcester) … I was happy to find an excuse to share it 🙂
I hope I never done with changes. How pointless life would be without them.
Aside from that, I have one word to say to you Misses
…MAR-COL-ES.!!
Friday… it’s my birthday and appropriate to celebrate the hovel 😉
“I am never done” ,,,,aarrgghh predictive text!!
I blame predictive but in truth it’s normally the wine 😉
What a wonderful poem Osyth.. and I’m sure the next chapter in my book is already written and the page is turning.. yes – change is perpetual in it’s motion..
So true …. I brought the girls up with the words ‘everything changes, nothing stays the same’ – once embraced it feels really good but I think many find it quite alarming xx
Wow – you’re a great mum Osyth! It is true and for far too long I feared change.. now I’m enjoying it! xx
Takes one to know one! Xx
Aww – thanks! xx
A perfect response to the challenge. I, too, am not done with my changes. In fact, I embrace them.
Kindred! But I think we knew that 🙂
So lovely Osyth!!!
Thank you so much almeidadepaulo … you are very kind to me 🙂
What a wonderful post and I love this poem. You’re right, in the grand scheme of things our lives are somewhat minor except for those who love us. And ever changing.
Thank you George – from you that is the highest praise. 😊
Wow, what a perfect poem! May we all have the will to go where we need to go!
Isn’t it? He was from Worcester MA in fact and I found myself becoming enthralled by him when living in Massachusetts last year. The sentiment is one to embrace and hold close – I know you are one that understands perfectly 🙂
As always, I love the words. I love the poem and the context, love the clouds too. By the way, to some of us Kunitz not so well read, he is an ice-hockey player: plays for Tampa Bay, used to play for the penguins. In fact he won the Stanley Cup with the Penguins in 2009.
Well well – I had no idea …. but then ice-hockey is not really my thing. Though I did go to a game last year between Harvard and Cornell. I think if Hockey was my think I would have to back the Penguins 🐧 Such a cool name 😎
Oh Osyth – thank you – I so needed to hear this tonight!
Jodi, I am glad that the moment was the right one for you, dear lady x
Love this…I’m not done changing….
Ali
Thank you so much, Ali. Keep embracing your changing too
Thank you for introducing me to Kunitz. You write so eloquently.
The year I spent in Massachusetts I tried to use as the ideal excuse to immerse myself in American Literature and poetry. Kunitz was one of my favourite finds. Thank you for your kind words about my writing …. it’s a little like ones one face – I don’t really see it!
Such sound reflections, Osyth
Thank you Derrick 😊
Accepting Change has been the lesson that the Universe has been trying to teach me all my life. I admit I have struggled with it – a lot. Now, even though I still do not love it, I accept it, and, let’s face it – if you don’t change it means you stagnate, and that’s just too smelly 🙂
As always, beautifully written, and lovely chosen words.
Your last remark about stagnation being smelly made me smile. For those who have had great loss in their lives, the idea of change is hardest of all, I think. Something in the comfort of the familiar and the need to remain connected to that past time, perhaps. But change is growth, development and creative freedom. Embracing it is not always easy, is often scary but is always liberating. In my experience. Thank you as always for your kind words. 🙂
Glad you laughed. Laughing is what keeps me (minimally) sane 🙂
Oh, meant to say, that broken roondhouse looks like it is sitting on top of the trailer – 🙂
I loved that picture …. the tower was once a windmill, I think … I’m sure the miller would have been double pleased if it really was on wheels so he could face the best of the wind at all times so he could get his work done double quick!
What beautiful words – both yours and Mr Kunitz’
Interesting that he talks about how even in going forward it is important to rest awhile looking back. I turn my head occasionally, but it’s the future changes which really excite me
I think to appreciate the changes and progress we have made we have to look back but I also think that there is a danger in being scared of change and hankering back to the past which seems to be a prevalent cry at the moment to accompany the feeling of uncertainty that many have as a result of all the global political shenanigans! I embrace the future and I know I can’t control it (or not entirely 😉) and like you, that is what excites me in life.
Just beautiful. *I am not done with my changes.* I can think of nothing that better describes this transient state of being that we call life. x
I’m so delighted to have been able to use that poem. I immersed myself in American Literature and poetry last year and one of the wonderful finds was Mr Kunitz. That poem really is a meta for life, I think x
I was always encouraged to believe that, though I might not change the world, my actions could have an impact on people with whom I made contact. It was up to me to make those impacts positive by my behaviour. It’s a good way to live xx
It is the best of all mantras, Clive. And I happen to know that you are true to it xx
Thank you, lovely lady. The same is equally true of you xx
I thank you back if that’s a thing? Including the lovely bit 🙂 xx (but not lady, obviously)
It probably is! And thanks for noticing 😉 xx
I pride myself on my observation skills 😂 xx
Happy birthday Osyth. I hope you are having a fabulous day.
This is such a powerful poem and Long Time Passing was I think the first post I read on your blog. You continue to inspire me with your wonderful command of the English language. ☘☘☘
Beautiful, beautiful words. Neither important nor impotent- words to remember, certainly. My Small Girl likes to quote Shrek: Onions have layers, and ogres.
“All of them in this skin.” Your masterly mix of emotions, and images, and word-control never ceases to amaze me…
Far. Too. Kind. 😊
I DON’T MEAN TO INTERRUPT BUT, IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY (YOUR TIME)! 😳
I’M SO PROUD TO CALL YOU MY FRIEND. ☺ INDULGE YOURSELF WITH PLEASURES TODAY!
I will, I will, I will – promise … but given that it’s my time I intend to write something later because that’s what I enjoy most of all. Thank you for being my friend. You know it means a great deal to me 🙂
Hey Osyth !! Was yesterday (21 September) your birthday ?? … 21 September is my birthday too !!! … It is incredible… Happy birthday to you 🙂
I think we could all make the world a better place, even without being a VIP famous all over the world, just by being true to ourselves, by improving what we can in ourselves, by doing our job, or whatever we are meant to do, the best we can, and stop regarding other humans for what they look like, but for what they really are…
That’s all I can think of right now, but I know I am not done with my changes, and I hope that over the years I will find other ways to improve and that I will change for the best.
I’m a day late – but happy birthday for yesterday. Mine is today. The thing is this. We can if we will and we will make a change. I am so sick and tired of people judging others because of their sexuality or their colour or their religion. It’s ridiculous – we are all different, we are all unique so making a judgement on anything makes a mockery. When I meet people like you I do a happy dance because you are doing what you can to make a change from the old societal bigotry and it makes me believe that sooner than later we will all just live as one. Long live my Gay friends. Long live you all (which, might be a surprise, includes my youngest daughter whom I am SO proud of) 🌈 🌈 🌈
Thank you. When I was a child I already knew I was gay, but did not like gay people at all, I thought they were all weird and all behaved like ridiculous and ugly women — true women and girls are beautiful but men in drag look awful —
Then a few years ago, I met a man who was quite young (32 yo) and very masculine and incredibly handsome with a powerful aura (like Alan Bates, but even more handsome) and he is 100% gay… It was only then that I understood it’s ok to be gay… And now that I’m older, I am aware that even gay people who act strangely behaving like women can be wonderful people with a mind and soul which are the oppposite of the way they look
Thank you so much for gracing me by sharing your experience. When my daughter told me she was Gay I hugged her and told her that I am glad that she is able to share and that she must never be ashamed and that what she feels is hers entirely to embrace. Your experience is yours alone and I am humbled to read it. The thing is this. We tend to catégorise and we tend to label but Gay is not a label anymore than heterosexual…you are you.
Beautiful, wonderful, to be celebrated you and your experience of your sexuality is yours alone. And as a heterosexual woman who just appreciates beauty – heavens I would love to meet your more handsome
Alan Bates 😉 Gros bisous a toi mon beau amie
😉 Gros bisou à toi ma belle dame et amie, and happy birthday !!
Mille Mercis 🎉 🎂 🎈 😘
Lovely, lovely, lovely… Bring on the layers…
A dusty path, footsteps barely seen. A guiding light, narrow yet beckoning. A heart aglow, the fire not extinguished. A trip through time this life, layered with beauty and pain. I would not change a thing.
Nor me…. however thorny the path it is the one we walk and looking over the shoulder and wishing it different is futile
Agreed.
I love your first line, Osyth. “Such little lives we live…” Facebook and the like have made us forget the joy of humility and service to others. Our biblical weather events have showed us the best and worst of humanity and how small we are in the face of the universe. Our time on this one planet is limited and yet we squander our precious time on things that lack importance. K x
You are so right about Social Media eroding the joy that can be found in small deeds to help others. Mother Nature can be relied on to show us how insignificant we are and yet there are still those that refuse to see it. I’m always grateful for your commentary … you have wisdom dear K xx
Your post sounded despondent, my dear friend, so I have a tale to make your tail wag. Teddy and I go to a local brunch place that smokes its own bacon (to die for). We have become very friendly with our server who talks as much as me! After the first week of the hurricane I asked her how she was faring. Although she lives near to one of the overflowing creeks, they had managed to save the house by constantly emptying the pool. The next week she told me that her neighbors had lost everything. Sewage had back up so it wasn’t technically a flood, bureaucracy has set in and to top it all as they took down the drywall they discovered previous termite damage not revealed when they bought the house. Amy, our server, took them all into her house with sheets for privacy and they are living together until something happens. Coincidentally, the families are both Mormon so the other neighbors, who have also been helping, refer to them as the polygamists. Now they are talking about getting t-shirts for the neighbors that say ‘Mormon Lite’. During all this one of my contract employers invited me to a post hurricane party and I won a raffle for free tickets to one of our lovely seaside carnivals for a family of four. Guess who it is going to? Wonderful Karma. BTW, I only have wisdom because I am old…👵
Sensitive you! Seeing straight through me like plate glass. Yes, I have been a little. There are reasons but I care not to share them on here …. BUT your have lifted me to laughing and rejoicing with this story. How absolutely perfect and how perfectly the Universe delivers if we let her. I am so thrilled that the Mormon Lites will get a delightful interlude. And Amy – I am going to think of her as Sainte Amy forever. She warms my heart. As you do. Xx. PS: Don’t mention bacon – it’s quite dreadful here and may be part of the reason for my malaise 😉 and PPS you are NOT old because if you are, I am 😱
I will be sending you positive thoughts and if you really want a belly laugh, look at my latest post. Clearly I think I should be on Page 3…😁
I’ll be all over it like a whippet on speed … you know me!! Xx
Nice write-up !!
Thank you so much jyo – I appreciate you taking the time to comment 🙂
Saved your post for the weekend to savour and enjoy Osyth. Moved as always by your words and the words of Stanley Kunitz today. Best wishes…A
Thank you Andrew …. Kunitz is a poet I discovered very late, when living in Massachusetts last year. I’m so glad I did.
I’m glad you did too 🙂
Oh my, you have brought my memory to life yet once again….thinking back to all the different people I have been through the chapters of my life, the story ever changing, like the season of the year. the challenges of the everyday that is thrown in our way by life. I grab it, take it, mold it to what I believe is the best of me. Hope your enjoying the end of your birthday month….lovely post and very thought provoking for me….xxxxxkat
What a beautiful comment, Kat – I’m happy to have touched you and to have provoked such gentle wisdom. My birthday month is ebbing away and I am content 🙂 xxx
Of course a beautiful poem with the wisdom of life.. Our changes are done when the last breath is exhausted.. If I ever lose sight of that, I believe my last breath won’t be far behind..
Thank you, my friend … I’m with you all the way
I truly trust your word.. Not any better comfort in a friendship than that 💛
Loved the poem and what you had to say just as much!
Thank you Ellen …. I’m glad it resonated with you. The poem is a beauty, indeed 🙂
As always you find such beautiful and inspiring words, Fiona! I haven´t heard of Kunitz before and am so thankful that you have introduced me to him! The poem is wonderful and has so many layers (perfect match by the way for the challenge 😉 ) that I know I´m going to come back to this more than once… And with the way our general election here in Germany went, I find myself in dire need of beautiful and encouraging words that speak universal truth. Much love to you! xxxxxxxxx <3
Kunitz was only discovered chez moi because I was living in Massachusetts and vowed to immerse myself in American writers and poets. He was one of the real gems of that voyage of discovery and I am now a devotee. I am glad you enjoyed the piece but far more importantly I want to turn to the German elections. I woke and my heart sank and I thought of you. I remember the feeling when I got news (I was in France) the morning after the Brexit vote. Bewilderment, despair and deep, deep sorrow. I was in the US when their election took place too. And I worried deeply about France and am certain that absent Macron taking the bull by the horns and inventing a whole new party that we would now be in the thrall of le Pen. Dark times. But you are young, Sarah. I tell my daughters that they must must must get their friends to understand that the future is theirs. It is essential to join movements and unions and give the left wing steam. Because it is the left wing that cares. The Green Party too. Whichever you favour but try to get yours to understand that it is complacency that causes this dreadful rise and that demonstrating and speaking out and really rallying will stop it dead in its tracks. There will not be another fascist government in Germany, I am convinced but voices need to be heard. I am. As you probably gather. Quite passionate about politics. Stay strong, dearest friend. All shall be well. I promise xxxxxxxxxx
It was certainly very odd walking through the city today – no one, really no one, was talking about politics and what happened yesterday. At least not in my hearing range and today I travelled through half the city. No word was lost in the trains, in the shops… it´s like people are just stunned. I certainly feel that way, stunned, bewildered, yes, desperate even. It is so frightening and somehow I can´t stop looking at people asking myself: did you vote for THEM? Because obviously there are more people who must have done this than I would have thought possible…
And you perfectly guessed whom I´m voting for by the way 😉
Having followed through the media the drift to the right that´s happening all around the world, I should maybe not have been so surprised at the outcome, but somehow I had believed that with our history it simply would be possible, wouldn’t happen… how wrong I was. But as you say, there´s hope and there are ways to speak out and to change things, which is exactly what I´m planning to do. There have already been a couple of demonstrations and further are planned of which I´m going to be part of! xxxxxxxxx
I will come and support you if I can. Honestly. I feel so strongly that we CANNOT let this happen particularly in Germany. The stunned feeling will probably last for some time if it’s anything like Britain. Bewildered people. But at least you are not now being told that a minority verdict, the slender est of margins means you have to face a whole new dawn. Small mercies. But I honestly do not believe Germany will be that foolish – you are in my heart and my thoughts xxxxxxxx
Thank you so much for your support, dear Fiona! To know that I´m, that we – are not alone in this is all it needs to make me feel better.
As to the Brexit – I´m still shocked (and embarrassed because my aunt who lives in Staines actually voted in its favor) and keep counting down the months… Strange things are happening in Europe and the World at large… hope it will turn out well for us all in the end.
Have a lovely evening in beautiful Grenoble! Sending you warm and enveloping hugs to fight against the cold and the despair that wants to creep into our lives xxxxxxxxx
Don’t worry – we’ve all got your Aunt in our closets. My mother was 84 when she voted and confident that it would be a stay resolution. Imagine her horror when her best friend since college, a woman whose career STARTED in the Prime Ministers office and who became a most senior civil servant voted out. My mother rang me and told me, I asked what she had said. And she said ‘I’m lost for words so I just rather lamely said “really, dear – that’s rather odd”!’ The world is a messy and messed up, frustrated place at the moment and I understand where the frustration lies but the answer is NOT far right wing ideals. It never will be. I am here and I send you healing breezes, lovely warm ones, that are blowing through my open doors even at this hour of a late September night. Snow on the high ground though so it won’t last long now. Xxxxxxxxx
Then I´m relieved 😉 And I think your mother handled it very well, it must have been a real shock for her. I already suspected that my aunt would vote Yes, and she actually apologized to me for it 😉 Saying that she thinks it would make things better for her sons (who were against it by the way!) which I honestly doubt.
I know a very nice English couple here in Berlin who have a sweet little shop selling all the goodies like tea from home and they were devastated when they heard of the voting results. Life and business will become much more difficult then and they´re not sure if they will manage to keep their shop open. It really is a mess and affects people on both sides of the situation.
Things have calmed down here a little, like you predicted. People seem to come out of their shock and it seems we´re heading to a solution called “Jamaica” – meaning that the conservatives (CDU – black) will work together with the Liberal (FDP – yellow) and the Green Party (green). If not perfect, but it looks promising to me.
Wishing you a beautiful day! Here it´s warm and the sun is shining – perfect weather to go to the Zoo again which I´m going to 😉 xxxxxxxx
A mess indeed. And the British negotiators still appear to be holding on to their arrogant attitude. Who knows what the eventual outcome will be. Jamaica – I like the clever lexical name and hope that this will be a menage à trois that works. We all need it to. That’s the thing – we ARE all interdependent at some level and we need to accept that. And here, just for you in honour of your outing is a song we always sung along to as children and hoped it would come true
https://youtu.be/iTe9rhLC2XE
Ooh! Thanks for that lovely song, Fiona! Just listened to it (and sang along 😉 ) and I love it! Won´t leave my head the whole day 😉 Never heard of the artist before – wow! she´s so beautiful and talented! Going to do some research when I come back 🙂 xxxxxxxx💕🐼🐘🐒
She was wonderful. I am sure I secretly wanted to be her when I was a small girl 🙂 xxxxxxx
> Imagining ourselves important or impotent when in fact neither is probably true.
Old judo saying: “Your opponent is not as strong as you think he is. Your opponent is not as weak as you think he is.”
That’s one for a post-it on the fridge … perfect 🙂
“…Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!…”
How, much to my greatest surprise and wonderment, as my family of origin shrinks and fades, I have over time grown a whole new family, rich in diversity, affection and care.
Isn’t it marvellous? Being open to others brings great delight. 🙂
Thank you for introducing me to a new (to me) poet. Fab!
He was new to me too until I spent a year in Massachusetts. I was woefully lacking in real understanding of American poets and literature and I set about rectifying it. Kunitz is a keeper no matter where I am sitting and I’m delighted he spoke to you too 🙂
Your words have an impact. You are good and bring joy, remember that
Thank you, my friend – your comment makes me very happy
Awesome, perfectly reflected words, Fiona. Thanks for the new poet and how these words hold so much for your own life. I also take these words to my own heart and multiple lives.💞
Thank you, dear. This was a blessing! xo ~ Robin
Yes, I like Kunitz very much. One of the gifts of living in the US last year was that I decided to discover much more about American Literature – beyond Fitzgerald, Harper Lee, Hemingway, Steinbeck et al. I knew (and loved) Eliot and Cummings and Sylvia Plath and Emily Dickson but I actively explored so much more through the library and came away with some new loves, like Kunitz. I am humbled by your words, my dear xo
I love this!
Also, I realized I hit the wrong “follow” button the last time, meaning I’m not getting your posts by email. Must correct that. 🙂
Thank you. That makes me very happy 🙂
Thank you so much for linking my post to yours … I much appreciate it 🙂
Thank you Lillie-Put … your linkage is very much appreciated 🙂