Skip to content

I’ve Been Everywhere, Man

Welcome to ‘Melting-Pot Monday’. To kick off this new series, The Bean has hijacked my keyboard to give us her reflections on being an intrepid tiny four pawed traveler:

It’s not easy being Bean. My job is to be faithful, loyal and unerringly stoic which skills I have in amazing quantities. But despite my dazzling talent, I don’t get any say in where I will be at any time. They discuss and debate and I doggedly jog alongside them. This goes for walks, runs and hikes and for bigger journeys that require cars or trains or planes.

When They are packing for one of these journeys I get quite anxious and I sit sentinel in my basket beadily scanning for signs that the car door may open whence I stealthily nip in and refuse to move. I worry, you see, that in their grandeose plans, they may entirely and completely forget me.

I am ten human years old. When I was half this age, She took me repeatedly to that house where the person sticks spikes in my neck and pokes me and peers in my ears and my eyes and then writes things with a pen-stick and after three times She was happy because the spiking person gave her a book with my name in it called a ‘Pet Passing Port’. This book gets taken with us every time we travel. When we travel to see my friends in the old country I have to have a filthy tasting pill forced down my throat through my resolutely clamped jaw.  This is the foul tablet which the French man who has also been known to spike my scruff from time to time claims is ‘un petit bon-bon Français’. That is a despicable lie. It is not a sweetie, it is no sort of candy.   It is vile and it is designed to make my tummy feel very delicate and undulous.  They say it empties me of worms but since I don’t have any wrigglers anywhere on or in my person it is a worthless cruelty. More recently, after we moved our place to Grenoble I got a better spiking doctor who gives me a meat flavored treat which they say does the same thing. I like the doctor who gives me meats.  I do not like the one who tells lies and pushes the wretched pill down my throat with gigantic  tweezers the size of Edward Scissorhands’ knife-fingers. He needs to be avoided which I did try to show Her whenever we went to his house. I would go on sit down strike but She would act as though She didn’t understand and would pick me up and carry me in. This is the worst think about being of petite and portable proportions.  I will give you his address if you contact me discretely.  You really do need this information so that you can be sure to avoid him. She thought he was nice, by the way, but He even had the temerity to jest that it is amusing and ironic that She, an English woman, has to pay him, a Frenchman, many euros to allow me, an English dog, back into my own country. He clearly doesn’t understand that I speak very good French and don’t really even remember living in that England, though I very much like to visit, and that I find it offensive that he dares make light of this dastardly situation. It is not at all ironic it is just undignified and rather rude. Come the glorious day when my true worth is recognized he will regret his facetiousness. This is my pledge.

Since I got my passing port I have travelled to France, Switzerland, Germany and the USA. Plus visits back to the England place.  I have driven many thousands of miles by car (about 90,000 at the last count which is around 145,000 km) and I have taken very fast trains. But the bit that humans are most interested in is that I do flying. Because I am sensibly svelte and compact in size, I am allowed to fly in the cabin with Them. I have to go in a bag which is rather a slight and I have to be weighed in the bag to make sure that our combined weight is acceptable.  Then I am welcomed by the nice food trolley people and I am stowed under the seat in front of Her. The first time I flyed was from Clermont Ferrand to Paris and then from Paris to Boston. When we got to Boston they let me out of the bag and I pooed on His foot. Since then they have cruelly deprived me of food until we land safely and are through all the controls where the humans look at my passing port and ask if I have brought food with us.  I don’t – I eat local food wherever I am.  Truthfully, I mainly just like to eat, and I am happiest with anything that falls from the table when They are eating but I will make do with what they call ‘dog food’ if forced – how silly is that … all food is dog food.  Obviously.  I like restaurants for this reason. I find that if shimmy into my most appealing and cute pose, people ask if they can pet me and then, when they are at their most vulnerable, I take my  limpid eyes up to Mach 3-charming and they ask if they can give me a tidbit. This is a skill I advise all dogs to learn well. It is truly life-enhancing.

He says that I kept Her afloat during the 5 years after they were married that we were not all together most of the time. I took my role as Her fierce protector seriously and it was quite tiring and I was always happy when He was with us. Now we can all be together and I can relax. Life is good in this new place. It is called Boston and in Boston they are very keen on beans.   She says people can learn a lot from my attitude which is really the attitude of all dogs that are fortunate to have humans of their own. She says that being simple and uncomplicated and enjoying the moment and loving where you are even if it isn’t the place you thought you wanted to be in, is a good way to live a life. She says that being fortunate is not counted in gold coins or sunshine but in the warmth you feel in your heart. I think she sometimes speaks some sense. Particularly when she says its supper time …..

PS: I am writing this from one of my favourite places in the wide, wide world. My humans are away from home for a week so they put me in my kennels which I really love. It is also the house of the local spiking man but he is one of the good spiking men. I love him and all the others in this house SO much that when we came to see him just after we arrived to make sure I was tickety-boo, I launched myself off her knee and did a full barrel-roll in the air which would have been of perfectly Cirque du Soleil standard had I not mildly misjudged my elevation and grounded with my back. I’m pretty sure I got away with the duff landing because Doctor Spiker was clearly very impressed and said it is not normally a problem he encounters that a dog is excited to be at this place. But I do love them. Because they are kind to me, I do love them. The law of the dog is quite simple, you see … all we need is love and we will absorb it and process it and give it back at a ratio that fantastically exceeds the original.

À bientôt

The Bean 

And your bonus is Mr Johnny Cash. He is singing a song that Her Daddy loved and I have used it as my title for this piece of unabashed brilliance because I know it will make her smile.  I hope you will too.  I wonder if any of you can sing every single word without tripping up …..

A note from the Editor in Chief (that’s me, Osyth) …. I have decided to join the Fandango One Word Challenge from time to time because I think initiatives that aim to fill the void left by the WordPress decision to halt their challenges should be supported.  The absolute essence of this post is that a simple outlook is generally helpful, I am submitting it to the cauldron of other entries here    #FOWC

171 Comments Post a comment
  1. Good dog, Bean. Good dog.

    Liked by 1 person

    June 11, 2018
  2. Hello, Bean. You must be one of the most travelled dogs I know. Actually, I don’t know you, but since I’ve been following Her blog for several years, I feel I do. I hope you are settled now in the U.S. and have got over the indignity of being weighed in a bag, added to the torture of not being given any food throughout the flight. I look forward to your posts and to learning how America differs from France from a dog’s perspective. My cat, Bella, says hello and asks me to tell you that nothing on earth would induce her to go in a bag on a plane.

    Liked by 1 person

    June 11, 2018
    • Hello Miss Nessa … I am fine and fettle again and being a dog means that I forget quite easily (until I’m reminded by The Bag of Injustice being ominously brought out of the cupboard) so I am very happy and crucially, very fed (not up). Bella is a very sensible cat. I find cats have the edge on dogs in many ways but please don’t publicize that because I will lose all my dog-cred. However going on the plane does mean that I can stay with Them and overall that makes me happy.

      Liked by 1 person

      June 11, 2018
      • You sound a very happy dog, Bean. I won’t tell anyone what you said about cats…

        Liked by 1 person

        June 12, 2018
      • 🐶

        Like

        June 12, 2018
  3. What a big-hearted little dog The Bean is. Glad she takes globe trotting in her stride and found the time in her new home to share her experiences with us. She is a total charmer 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    June 11, 2018
  4. I chuckled all the way through at The Bean’s wisdom and observations as he trots around the globe. I think his limpid eyes can get him anything and that is the message to cotton onto for me. That and the one about seeking happiness where you find yourself.
    I almost forgot to comment that The Bean is not alone. Our Labrador Tuktuk, an oversize baby, was carried every time, without fail, to the vet’s by Adi. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    June 14, 2018
    • Tuktuk is a wonderful name …. I love it. Definitely work those limpid eyes (I’ve learned it well – it works on Two Brains most of the time!) and the message about being happy where one is? That’s harder for we two leggeds but mostly I manage that too and I am sure you do too xx

      Liked by 1 person

      June 14, 2018
      • There are those moments when the heart dithers.
        Adi just saw this comment and jumped, saying, Tuktuk! His heart leaps at the mention of him, and he says, ‘Imagine carrying that big lump up two flights of stairs.’ 🙂 xx

        Liked by 1 person

        June 14, 2018
      • Labbies are generally lumpen! Friends of mine had one called Gina Lollopa Bridgida which fit her blonde plumptiousness perfectly!! Be still your dithering heart …. and mine xx

        Liked by 1 person

        June 14, 2018
      • OMG (and that I use rarely)! I am a little in love with Gina darling already. Trust she matched up to the oomph of her Italian namesake. xx

        Like

        June 14, 2018
      • Entirely … she was adorable. Quite the blonde bombshell xx

        Liked by 1 person

        June 14, 2018
  5. Val #

    Doggedly going where no dog has doggedly gone before. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    June 18, 2018
    • Hello Miss Val! Thank you for reading my work and for leaving such a brilliantly appropriate comment! I am dogged and determined and delighted that you have joined the fun. I may be persuaded to write more in a while but for now I am enjoying lotus eating by the pool 🐾 🐾

      Liked by 1 person

      June 19, 2018

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: