Skip to content

I’ve Been Everywhere, Man

Welcome to ‘Melting-Pot Monday’. To kick off this new series, The Bean has hijacked my keyboard to give us her reflections on being an intrepid tiny four pawed traveler:

It’s not easy being Bean. My job is to be faithful, loyal and unerringly stoic which skills I have in amazing quantities. But despite my dazzling talent, I don’t get any say in where I will be at any time. They discuss and debate and I doggedly jog alongside them. This goes for walks, runs and hikes and for bigger journeys that require cars or trains or planes.

When They are packing for one of these journeys I get quite anxious and I sit sentinel in my basket beadily scanning for signs that the car door may open whence I stealthily nip in and refuse to move. I worry, you see, that in their grandeose plans, they may entirely and completely forget me.

I am ten human years old. When I was half this age, She took me repeatedly to that house where the person sticks spikes in my neck and pokes me and peers in my ears and my eyes and then writes things with a pen-stick and after three times She was happy because the spiking person gave her a book with my name in it called a ‘Pet Passing Port’. This book gets taken with us every time we travel. When we travel to see my friends in the old country I have to have a filthy tasting pill forced down my throat through my resolutely clamped jaw.  This is the foul tablet which the French man who has also been known to spike my scruff from time to time claims is ‘un petit bon-bon Français’. That is a despicable lie. It is not a sweetie, it is no sort of candy.   It is vile and it is designed to make my tummy feel very delicate and undulous.  They say it empties me of worms but since I don’t have any wrigglers anywhere on or in my person it is a worthless cruelty. More recently, after we moved our place to Grenoble I got a better spiking doctor who gives me a meat flavored treat which they say does the same thing. I like the doctor who gives me meats.  I do not like the one who tells lies and pushes the wretched pill down my throat with gigantic  tweezers the size of Edward Scissorhands’ knife-fingers. He needs to be avoided which I did try to show Her whenever we went to his house. I would go on sit down strike but She would act as though She didn’t understand and would pick me up and carry me in. This is the worst think about being of petite and portable proportions.  I will give you his address if you contact me discretely.  You really do need this information so that you can be sure to avoid him. She thought he was nice, by the way, but He even had the temerity to jest that it is amusing and ironic that She, an English woman, has to pay him, a Frenchman, many euros to allow me, an English dog, back into my own country. He clearly doesn’t understand that I speak very good French and don’t really even remember living in that England, though I very much like to visit, and that I find it offensive that he dares make light of this dastardly situation. It is not at all ironic it is just undignified and rather rude. Come the glorious day when my true worth is recognized he will regret his facetiousness. This is my pledge.

Since I got my passing port I have travelled to France, Switzerland, Germany and the USA. Plus visits back to the England place.  I have driven many thousands of miles by car (about 90,000 at the last count which is around 145,000 km) and I have taken very fast trains. But the bit that humans are most interested in is that I do flying. Because I am sensibly svelte and compact in size, I am allowed to fly in the cabin with Them. I have to go in a bag which is rather a slight and I have to be weighed in the bag to make sure that our combined weight is acceptable.  Then I am welcomed by the nice food trolley people and I am stowed under the seat in front of Her. The first time I flyed was from Clermont Ferrand to Paris and then from Paris to Boston. When we got to Boston they let me out of the bag and I pooed on His foot. Since then they have cruelly deprived me of food until we land safely and are through all the controls where the humans look at my passing port and ask if I have brought food with us.  I don’t – I eat local food wherever I am.  Truthfully, I mainly just like to eat, and I am happiest with anything that falls from the table when They are eating but I will make do with what they call ‘dog food’ if forced – how silly is that … all food is dog food.  Obviously.  I like restaurants for this reason. I find that if shimmy into my most appealing and cute pose, people ask if they can pet me and then, when they are at their most vulnerable, I take my  limpid eyes up to Mach 3-charming and they ask if they can give me a tidbit. This is a skill I advise all dogs to learn well. It is truly life-enhancing.

He says that I kept Her afloat during the 5 years after they were married that we were not all together most of the time. I took my role as Her fierce protector seriously and it was quite tiring and I was always happy when He was with us. Now we can all be together and I can relax. Life is good in this new place. It is called Boston and in Boston they are very keen on beans.   She says people can learn a lot from my attitude which is really the attitude of all dogs that are fortunate to have humans of their own. She says that being simple and uncomplicated and enjoying the moment and loving where you are even if it isn’t the place you thought you wanted to be in, is a good way to live a life. She says that being fortunate is not counted in gold coins or sunshine but in the warmth you feel in your heart. I think she sometimes speaks some sense. Particularly when she says its supper time …..

PS: I am writing this from one of my favourite places in the wide, wide world. My humans are away from home for a week so they put me in my kennels which I really love. It is also the house of the local spiking man but he is one of the good spiking men. I love him and all the others in this house SO much that when we came to see him just after we arrived to make sure I was tickety-boo, I launched myself off her knee and did a full barrel-roll in the air which would have been of perfectly Cirque du Soleil standard had I not mildly misjudged my elevation and grounded with my back. I’m pretty sure I got away with the duff landing because Doctor Spiker was clearly very impressed and said it is not normally a problem he encounters that a dog is excited to be at this place. But I do love them. Because they are kind to me, I do love them. The law of the dog is quite simple, you see … all we need is love and we will absorb it and process it and give it back at a ratio that fantastically exceeds the original.

À bientôt

The Bean 

And your bonus is Mr Johnny Cash. He is singing a song that Her Daddy loved and I have used it as my title for this piece of unabashed brilliance because I know it will make her smile.  I hope you will too.  I wonder if any of you can sing every single word without tripping up …..

A note from the Editor in Chief (that’s me, Osyth) …. I have decided to join the Fandango One Word Challenge from time to time because I think initiatives that aim to fill the void left by the WordPress decision to halt their challenges should be supported.  The absolute essence of this post is that a simple outlook is generally helpful, I am submitting it to the cauldron of other entries here    #FOWC

224 Comments Post a comment
  1. Good dog, Bean. Good dog.

    June 11, 2018
    • She surely is. 🙂

      June 11, 2018
  2. Hello, Bean. You must be one of the most travelled dogs I know. Actually, I don’t know you, but since I’ve been following Her blog for several years, I feel I do. I hope you are settled now in the U.S. and have got over the indignity of being weighed in a bag, added to the torture of not being given any food throughout the flight. I look forward to your posts and to learning how America differs from France from a dog’s perspective. My cat, Bella, says hello and asks me to tell you that nothing on earth would induce her to go in a bag on a plane.

    June 11, 2018
    • Hello Miss Nessa … I am fine and fettle again and being a dog means that I forget quite easily (until I’m reminded by The Bag of Injustice being ominously brought out of the cupboard) so I am very happy and crucially, very fed (not up). Bella is a very sensible cat. I find cats have the edge on dogs in many ways but please don’t publicize that because I will lose all my dog-cred. However going on the plane does mean that I can stay with Them and overall that makes me happy.

      June 11, 2018
      • You sound a very happy dog, Bean. I won’t tell anyone what you said about cats…

        June 12, 2018
      • 🐶

        June 12, 2018
  3. What a big-hearted little dog The Bean is. Glad she takes globe trotting in her stride and found the time in her new home to share her experiences with us. She is a total charmer 🙂

    June 11, 2018
    • She’s all heart that’s for sure. And her heart grows larger exponentially with the amount of sneaky snacks she is offered 😉

      June 11, 2018
  4. I chuckled all the way through at The Bean’s wisdom and observations as he trots around the globe. I think his limpid eyes can get him anything and that is the message to cotton onto for me. That and the one about seeking happiness where you find yourself.
    I almost forgot to comment that The Bean is not alone. Our Labrador Tuktuk, an oversize baby, was carried every time, without fail, to the vet’s by Adi. xx

    June 14, 2018
    • Tuktuk is a wonderful name …. I love it. Definitely work those limpid eyes (I’ve learned it well – it works on Two Brains most of the time!) and the message about being happy where one is? That’s harder for we two leggeds but mostly I manage that too and I am sure you do too xx

      June 14, 2018
      • There are those moments when the heart dithers.
        Adi just saw this comment and jumped, saying, Tuktuk! His heart leaps at the mention of him, and he says, ‘Imagine carrying that big lump up two flights of stairs.’ 🙂 xx

        June 14, 2018
      • Labbies are generally lumpen! Friends of mine had one called Gina Lollopa Bridgida which fit her blonde plumptiousness perfectly!! Be still your dithering heart …. and mine xx

        June 14, 2018
      • OMG (and that I use rarely)! I am a little in love with Gina darling already. Trust she matched up to the oomph of her Italian namesake. xx

        June 14, 2018
      • Entirely … she was adorable. Quite the blonde bombshell xx

        June 14, 2018
  5. Val #

    Doggedly going where no dog has doggedly gone before. 🙂

    June 18, 2018
    • Hello Miss Val! Thank you for reading my work and for leaving such a brilliantly appropriate comment! I am dogged and determined and delighted that you have joined the fun. I may be persuaded to write more in a while but for now I am enjoying lotus eating by the pool 🐾 🐾

      June 19, 2018
  6. Oh Bean you are such a good and loyal friend to your family. I am amazed at the places you have travelled – Wow. I wonder if you are the most travelled dog? What a star you are 🙂

    June 21, 2018
    • Thank you Miss Sam. I know you understand how important we canines are …. She told me that you used to be a dog angel taking lots of us for walks every day. This makes me happy. I also think that it makes YOU a star. 🐾 🐾

      June 21, 2018
  7. What a very wise dog you are, Bean. And you have clearly found yourself some quality humans with whom to share your globetrotting life… Love it 🙂

    June 21, 2018
  8. Bean the traveling dog….love her view on it all..xx

    June 22, 2018
    • She is convinced hers is the correct view on everything, Kat!! Xxx

      June 24, 2018
      • As well it should be!!!

        June 24, 2018
  9. Osyth, so many changes in your life and the Bean’s. I wish you amazing adventures in this latest chapter of your adventures.

    June 25, 2018
    • Thank you, Clare. The Bean keeps me sane – not sure what that says about me, but it’s true!

      June 25, 2018
      • Roxie D. sends love to her l’haricot verte.

        June 26, 2018
      • Merci Roxie D … now we can plot and scheme and get some justice for those that matter (you and me) – reste toi contente que je suis ton amie très attentive, l’Haricot 🐾 🐾

        June 26, 2018
  10. Hello made me miss my two adorable doberman back home..we are away from home too but we cannot bring them unlike you they dont have passports yet and unlike from where you are its a tedious process securing a passport for our best buddies like you..

    June 25, 2018
    • Hello Miss Mich …. I think it must be very hard to be away from your faithful friends. I am lucky because I am very small so I get to travel in the airplane with Them but if I was big I would have to go with all the luggage in the underneath bit which might not be so nice. Your dobies will be very very excited to see you when you return to them. I hope you are having a nice time away 🐾 🐾

      June 25, 2018
      • Ohh i miss them..been months housekeeper keeps me posted thru pictures and videos..ang yess they are big..

        June 26, 2018
      • Sometimes people think that I am a miniature Pincher which is the tiny cousin of your big dogs. Because of this I like Dobermans very much – I feel ancestrally attached to them! I am glad you have a nice housekeeper to look after them. That is nice for them because they have continuity. We canines like continuity best of all 😊

        June 26, 2018
  11. Oh, Bean is just adorable, and so well traveled!
    What a loyal companion you have Osyth. We are blessed to have our beloved 4 legged pets beside us. Our dog always goes to Nannys when we are on holiday. I secretly think he loves all the extra scraps of food he receives when there! Xx

    July 3, 2018
    • She’s a little stick of dynamite who knows the power of her cuteness! She loves staying with my mother and is always like a barrel when we leave!!! Xx

      July 3, 2018
      • That’s so cute. They know what’s good for them!! Xx

        July 4, 2018
      • 😊 🐶 😊

        July 5, 2018
  12. Ah! How I missed reading your work 🙂. This piece is so wonderfully travel laden. It also reminds me of the movie – ‘ A dog’s purpose’.
    Love to Bean.

    July 4, 2018
    • Oh thank you! It is rather special to be missed. I have been in something of a hiatus but I do feel I might manage to write something more soon. The Bean is very happy that her words hit the spot meanwhile and she sends her love back 🐾 ❤️ 🐾

      July 5, 2018
  13. Okay, here we go…

    After wallowing in a cesspool of regret for not keeping up with the posts of some of my favorite writers, I finally sat down this evening with the intent of making amends concerning three inexcusable instances (the works of CJHartwell, Embeecee, and yours truly). It has been a wonderful adventure, and I must say this…

    I don’t understand why you are not world-famous.

    (Well, maybe you are. I have often missed valuable signposts in my journey through life, much to the chagrin of many who were involved in my upbringing as well as those who tried to rescue me from that questionable upbringing.)

    Your words are sublime, your experiences grand, and the way in which you deftly entwine the two, sprinkling all with a generous compassion, is something to gaze upon with wonder.

    No, I haven’t been drinking. Okay, maybe a little, but nothing award-worthy.

    Please don’t ever leave me.

    I don’t think I can bear it.

    Pablo de Pato

    July 15, 2018
    • Hola Pablo …. I am going NO-where, have no fear. I love your work, consider you to be an undiscovered genius (it’s 12:31 and France aren’t playing til 2 so I’m stone cold sober awhile longer) and am always delighted when you have the time to drop by. BUT, I do not expect you except when I see you …. in fact, I need to be a little less diligent with some of the blogs I follow and maybe I might generate sufficient internal thrust to manage to expel some posts of my own. Your blog though I will never miss. So there. And thank you for your wonderful, far too kind but grabbed with the alacrity and lethal accuracy of The Bean on a morsel of meat or cheese compliments to me. It means a huge amount and might even be sufficient to get me to write something new. Because if I don’t the sign on my fictional door that says ‘Storyteller’ will simply rust away. Love to you, M’sieur, always that.

      July 15, 2018
    • Aw. <3

      September 9, 2018
  14. I love Bean’s philosophy and attitude to living life and enjoying the flow – wherever it may take you… I also recognise those appealing eyes and him and Dolly (if she wasn’t so stand offish) would definitely make a good team. She sits in hubbies holdall when we’re packing for a trip and refuses to move! Laughed at the poo on the shoe – what a visual that must’ve made!! Have a brilliant weekend xx

    July 15, 2018
    • Wendy the poo incident was priceless … I have never moved so fast with a baby wipe and a bag in my life and convinced myself that no-ne had noticed 😂. Having seen pictures of Dolly, I am certain she can do doleful eyes extremely well. It’s so hard to resist them, isn’t it? Xx

      July 15, 2018
  15. Very cute and an amazing read. Nice one Osyth.

    July 20, 2018
    • Sumith! How lovely to see you and to read your kind comment. The Bean is too cute for her own good and may be released to write some more one day but for the moment I need to concentrate on getting my own mojo back which has been sorely lacking since moving to this side of the Atlantic. Too many distractions 😉. I hope you are really well and that I will see some of your work soon – I haven’t for a while but maybe I have been missing things in my reader. I shall go and check forthwith!

      July 20, 2018
      • Thank you Osyth. I have been away from WP for a while. Trying to get in back soon. Looking forward for more of your amazing writings.

        July 20, 2018
      • I’ve written hardly anything either (3 posts since May) so I do understand but it will be lovely to see you brilliant, inspired work when you have the time 🙂

        July 20, 2018
  16. What a great post! I love Bean…such a sweetie! ❤️

    September 4, 2018
    • She can be 😉 Actually, she is fed up with me not writing a bean about anything in weeks so she says she is going to hijack my blog again later today ….. heaven knows about what! In the meantime, can you remind me what your lovely dogs are (breed wise) …. I was looking at them again over the weekend (that last lovely post you wrote about wabbits) and I don’t recall their genus but I know they are something quite unusual (to me, at least) 💕

      September 5, 2018
      • Sometimes a break is good! 🙂 Thanks for asking about our dogs. Dash is a border collie mix and Bizou is an Australian Cattle dog mix. They get along so well and are the best companions. Seeing them together makes my heart sing! 😊❤️🐶

        September 5, 2018
  17. Just dropping by to say hi..

    October 28, 2018
    • It’s lovely to see you albeit so late in the day. I have been absent for some while as I went through some personal stuff that laid me very low but each day I am better and stronger and before too long I will be back to reading and writing and I will much enjoy our interactions again, I know. I hope you are well and I send you great love

      November 16, 2018
      • I hope your well by now Osyth….take care and i will keep you in my prayers..

        November 17, 2018
  18. I’ve just read this again because I so loved it the first time! It does make me smile! Do hope you’re well … I’ve not seen any posts from you of late so hoping that everything is ok. Life here has been tricky of late, so I had to have a couple of weeks away from blogging but have slowly but surely managed to get up and running again. Do hope you’re ok. Katie

    October 29, 2018
    • In honesty I have not been at all OK but I am getting better and stronger day by day. Finding this message was balm to a sore soul and I thank you so much. I hope that you are doing well and weller and that ‘tricky’ is reasonably docile and not studded with demons. Take good care of you and yours and thank you for being a friend from afar. O xx

      November 16, 2018
      • Oh gosh, I’m so sorry to hear this. I won’t pry but if you need to offload I have strong shoulders and am a good listener. Sadly things at this end have been pretty dire to say the least, and I worry so much that my life is on the right road. Anyway, I am on a train at the moment, but will have a look at your blog and see if I can work out a way to send you my proper email address so that you can contact me if you’d like to. I’m sending you much love and huge hugs … Katie xxx

        November 17, 2018
  19. Where the F are you???? Please post!

    November 6, 2018
    • I will, I promise. I have been unwell but getting better and stronger each day. I will post again sooner and I will be reading soon. It’s just been a little harder than I might like to admit. I hope you are good and survived the torrents which even managed to make it onto the news in New England (which generally thinks covering California is International 😉)

      November 16, 2018
  20. I hope all is okay with you. Long time, no (virtual) see.

    November 7, 2018
  21. hello Osyth, I hope all is well with you and yours in America !! …
    and I wish you Happy New Year !!!

    January 4, 2019
  22. Hi Osyth – I am so sorry that you have been unwell, and I hope you continue to heal and feel stronger. Take it easy and take it slow. Sending love and best wishes, Carol

    January 13, 2019
  23. I of course love your writing and I miss your wit. I hope you are doing well and regaining your strength. 🥰

    March 24, 2019
  24. Hi Osyth, hope life is treating you well. A message to say hello. I have just read a post about connecting with our readers and what about those that we don’t hear about any longer. Life down in NZ is going well as can be expected. Take care and keep smiling 🙂

    April 15, 2019
  25. Hope all is well. Don’t lose that fabulous writing skill you have.

    November 1, 2019
  26. I just re read one of your deliciously supportive comments on my blog which made me ponder how you are getting on. I really hope you are well and enjoying life. This is just to say that I think of you occasionally. Hugs.

    November 16, 2019
  27. Hi Osyth & Bean; I’ve lost you and found you again – BUT I’m wondering what the hell happened to that Trio since you all disappeared to the Far-Away-Lands-of-the-not-so-united-states-of-A…..
    I’m still rambling about in France, with very frequent and longer & longer trips to Switzie, and I wonder, wonder, wonder – what keeps you away from us for such a length of time! Are you well and happy, or is it not what you hoped for? Not being on social media is maybe keeping me off your scent, I don’t know. Gimme a bone some time soon, will you?! Ta. Kiki, who would always share her meal/meat/cookie with you 🙂

    November 24, 2019
  28. Happy to see you liked one of my stories… it’s been a couple of years. Hope you start posting again. Regards from South Carolina.

    March 14, 2020
    • It has been almost two years which is a disgrace but …. reasons, no excuses. So I decided to start by reading and intend to post again from next week. Not a clue what but some or other drivel will transpire! In other news, we visited Charleston SC last year and I had to be forcibly dragged back to New England. I’m hoping to make another trip and see more of the State. I can officially say I really loved it!

      March 14, 2020
      • Well, I always enjoyed your stories, but being selfish, always appreciated your comments on my stories. Aside from the traffic, Charleston is a fun place. I get there for work one or twice a month. I live in Aiken City… two and a half hours away, on the border with Augusta, GA.

        March 14, 2020
      • Stay selfish – I’m write back in the commentary booth! When we make the trip again we will definitely explore more of the State – Charleston, like Boston is I am sure not representative of the whole though as you say, fun. More fun than Boston which often feels as though it has something stiff stuck in it’s pants 😉

        March 15, 2020
  29. Thanks for dropping into ABAB – lovely surprise – generous comment ( 🙂 thank you!) – welcome back. Look forward to dipping into your future offerings, so to speak. No pressure…

    March 18, 2020

Leave a Reply